SCHOOLS ORDER TEACHERS TO DRESS SEXY!

In a bold attempt to get students to pay attention during class, school boards across the country are ordering their teachers to dress sexy.

"It's a lot easier than trying to make the subjects more interesting," says Booker Werm, a top administrator on the National Teacher's Council.

Female teachers are being instructed to wear low-cut blouses, push-up bras, and short, tight skirts. Male teachers are being asked to grow their hair long, wear form-fitting shirts, and a cod-pieces.

"We're also being told to bend over as much as possible," says one female fourth-grade teacher. While some teachers resent dressing up as sex objects, many of them clearly relish the opportunity.

"It's fun to watch these young boys get all excited," says one math teacher. "And unlike teaching them algebra, I feel like I'm 'educating' them in ways that they will really use in life."

An English teacher agrees: "The kids certainly pay a lot more attention, even if they do snicker whenever I say the word 'conjugate.' " For years it was considered bad form for teachers to flaunt their sexuality.

But the case of Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who was arrested and imprisoned for seducing one of her 12-year-old students, changed things. "Even though Mary went overboard by having sex with the boy, we took notice that attendance in her class was outstanding, and the kids got higher grades," says Werm.

"Schools are competing with television, movies and music videos for our youths' attention," says Werm. "All of these are filled with hot looking guys and gals.

We watched our students yawning and thought 'We have to sex up our product.' "But schools have no money to pour into making curriculum changes," Werm says. "So we figured the easiest way was just to get the teachers themselves to tart themselves up." Some teachers are even using sex to teach lessons.

One math instructor teaching fractions stood in front of her class in her bra and panties and asked, "This is what percent of a complete outfit?" And a female chemistry teacher started stripping and said, "You boys notice what is happening 'down there?' That's an example of a chemical reaction."

Most students seem to be all for the change. "I still daydream in class," says Melvin Champ, a seventh-grader. "But at least now I daydream about my teacher, so that's positive." But Alicia Plum, a classmate of Champ's says, "I can barely get the boys to notice me, with Miss Nicholas wiggling around the front of the room." And some parents are incensed. Mina Jones, mother of a sixth-grader says, "When I tried to home school my son, Johnny, using some of these same methods, I got arrested."