This is the 1st episode. Stay tuned for the sequel with two final photos for this horrible act.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
China's Way of Death Sentence
This is the 1st episode. Stay tuned for the sequel with two final photos for this horrible act.
Really Nice Sarcastic Jokes
Message to my dear viewers,
When you see this pile of words, you may hesitate to read them. But let me tell you its worth your effort trying to read this jokes.
Ji Yuan
Top joke in UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you.
Top joke in USA
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."
Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down,
on almost any surface including glass
and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Top joke in Australia
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
Top Joke in England
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
Top Joke in Wales
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient.
'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.
SECOND PLACE
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment.
"Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
THE WINNING JOKE
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line.
He says: "OK, now what?"
These jokes are cool. I was thinking of acting in some of these and make them into short films.
In my personal point of view,the Wales and Australian jokes weren't too funny, I love all the others !
When you see this pile of words, you may hesitate to read them. But let me tell you its worth your effort trying to read this jokes.
Ji Yuan
Top joke in UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you.
Top joke in USA
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."
Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down,
on almost any surface including glass
and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Top joke in Australia
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
Top Joke in England
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
Top Joke in Wales
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient.
'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.
SECOND PLACE
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment.
"Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
THE WINNING JOKE
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line.
He says: "OK, now what?"
These jokes are cool. I was thinking of acting in some of these and make them into short films.
In my personal point of view,the Wales and Australian jokes weren't too funny, I love all the others !
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Little puppy with six legs and two penises
The ongoing aggravation of the ecological situation in the world often results in the appearance of unusual creatures, some of which prove to be rather viable. The news about human or animal babies born with striking physical deformities always attract people's attention, in spite of the fact that such news reports appear on a regular basis.
A little puppy with six legs and two penises has been recently found in a Malaysian temple, in the town of Pandamaran, situated to the south off Kuala Lumpur. According to eyewitnesses, the custodian of the temple found the puppy sleeping near the entrance to the shrine. The man picked the animal up to remove it from the passage, when he noticed that it was a weird many-legged little dog, a six-legged dog, to be more precise.
When the strange finding was examined in the shrine, it turned out that the fluffy creature also had two penises. That was probably the reason why the priests named the dog as Ong Fatt, which translates as Lucky.
Inexplicable anomalies happen rather frequently in the natural world nowadays. A six-legged lamb was born in Holland; a dog gave birth to six normal puppies and one six-legged creature in Brazil.
The puppy named as Lucky currently lives in the shrine, where it was found. Malaysian priests believe that their talisman was sent to them from heaven.
p.s. I think some of you read this on the Star newspaper. I wanted to post it the moment i saw it but unfortunately i don't have a scanner.Until I found this on a website i took the picture and post it here.
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